six flags was great.. kendra rode her first roller coaster.. scared shitless. cried the whole time poor thing than she got pised..:) we went to water park..had a great day. got this cartoon photograph of Paul and I. its cute...its in our living room.

i have alot on my mind..i am hurtin.I wish it would go away! there is just ONE person that can fix that and i am not asking him to do that again.it has to come on his own...he attempted to call her.. but got her machine.. who? you ask? well here it is... his ex girl Jamie from Wisconsin.
seems to be a long story on her.a story that wont close.I have mentioned to him"have you talked to her lately" and he said.. no. the only time i talk to her is about her daughter on line.thats it.. ok i say.. than this...

hey dork. Yea im still in school full time and I think Id die if I dont get a day off soon. so how is job hunting going, good I hope. I think Im going to shut off my phone and cable since im never there. I talk to people more on the computer anyway. So feel free to write me any time.
ill talk at you later.
love paul

p.s. KEEP YOUR ASS OUT OF BED WITH PEOPle

well this letter was wrote July 15th, 2 days prior to me asking him this question.. but it dont stop there.. i seen 4 others.. bout how his life sucks, hes still unhappy.he misses his kid,hes been busy thats all why he dont write her,he dont have his phone no more cuz hes not there ever.. (well ... cuz he lives with his girl now) BUT NOPE.. HE DONT REPLY BY SAYING THAT.. HE REPLIES BY SAYING THE ABOVE. not only did he lie bout writing her but signed his letters LOVE>. which he says he does to anyone.. well wheen he first wrote me.. he didnt do that to me.
and the P.S. he wont go back to any girl after she has been with someone else. so when i read this.. i think.. hmmm you do want her on the back burner.. why would u say this.?
so i confront him, and he admits to lieing and he feels like shit.. i mean bad. he says he understands why i am mad and i have right to be, for he would also. he said. if i did this he would take forever to beleive me again.
his reason for lieing... is cause he wanted to avoid a problem.. and than he realized right than.. quote: why do i fuck up and worry bout hurtin her when i know i am hurtin you, i am with you i love you not her" unquote..and than he gets sad.
well it dont stop there.. than i write her a note and tell her to back off my man. than i get this..

wrote Friday night..22nd

you know what, he knows what it is that I want and THAT is all I want from him. I have someone of my own thank you very much and you have no clue what me and Paul have been through. and as far as me e-mailing him, he asked how me and my daughter where so I replayed . look I don't know what he has been telling you but if you like I can send the e-mails he has been sending me! oh yeah and did he tell you that we had sex when he was here in April weren't you with him then? there is a lot that you don't know about Paul but you will find out. so good luck! and tell him I want my property NOW please!!!!!!!!

so i read it and bust out crying with hurt and anger all in one. i am not saying i believe her.. but it hurt. since i just got those letters. so i woke him up and asked him.. and he immediatley got all bummed and shocked.. i asked him about it and he denies it.He says NO WAY> but... the only thing i question bout this all is.. he dont look at me when he says he didnt do it.. but we talked bout it alot and i got mad and left and came back to talk to him..he says he swears he didnt do it. he says he is mad that all he wants to do is move on.. in other wards let go of his past and move on with me. but i am scared. he didnt get mad really at her.. he got UPSET> i would be PISSED> i would have called right there and than and bitched her out if i was him. no way will someone say shit to paul lieing bout me with out me freaking.. and he didnt do such thing. but he did infact call her tonight only to get her machine. which i am unsure if its her number.. i really dont know if it is.I can only take his word that it is..that and redial! but we used the calling card. i dont want to check up on him and check to see if hes tellin the truth. I want to know it and feel it like hes tellin the truth to me. I love him and want to be happy again with him. NOt be the bitch i have become and snap at everything.I hope he understands why i am bitchy.. cuz i am trust me! i dont know what to think what to do.. i just want my happiness back and i want proof that its all lies from HER part. i kept askin him "if u did please tell me rather than lie. i am not saying u will lose me but if i find out you are lieing i will leave if you dont tell me when i am askin." and he hesitated and looked down got a teary eye and said.. No i am not lieing." why did he do this?
1. hes ashamed he DID do and IS lieing and dont want to risk losing me
or
2. he really didnt do it.. and feels bad.

heres where i wonder what i should do.. i dont want to hurt anymore. i love this man very much. he has turned my life around and made me complete again which i never thought would happen.and i want him back in my arms and want to be in his heart alone with noone else (exs) attached still.
i want my man back.......